When you have unfinished business, God will give you the strength to hold on.
One common scenario in a corporate world: the employer calls, looks for a specific employee and when she answers the phone, the employer bombards her with filthy words without caring about the listener’s emotions. Her anger is poured out in the open. Period. She does not care what the other person has to say, nor dig into the issue.
Okay. That was me. Not the employer but the employee. For eleven years, that was a common scenario. I have a choice I know. But third world country culture is far different from the more advanced nations. Finding a new job is a pain in the neck due to few job offerings and massive number of applicants.
After enduring such scenario for eleven years, I came to the point of giving up. I already suffered burn out and had experienced symptoms of stress. I have to walk out, I told myself. However, is it sensible to pack your things up just because you are angry and hurting? Of course not, right? I weighed much the options before me. My wounded self was in a dilemma of choosing between self-preservation and martyrdom. Actually, it just appeared to be martyrdom for the length of years I suffered. I am no martyr. I had good plans for my future. I was already decided to take back my life and live the best life I could have. It was just that I was not yet ready to fly because my wings had not yet developed fully. The time was still unripe to do so. The situation only called for more patience, more forgiveness and much strength. But let me tell you, at that point I was at my edge. I was at the brink of my sufferings. I felt I would lose my sensibility if I would go on with a situation like that. I seemed to stand before a precipice. If I would not retreat, one more step forward and I would fall.
But then, do you believe in miracles? Or inner voice? Or the wiser self? Or whatever is that which God placed inside our bodies to rescue us when our poor self is dying within? That voice spoke to me as if it were my own. A scene from a television series suddenly flashed before my mind, wherein the heroine was at her lowest and with much grit told herself: this is not going to destroy me; I would not break. Those were the same words the voice told me. My more conscious self repeated it: No one and nothing could ever destroy me nor break me. I felt a surge of strength building up inside of me, with much faith that I would get by quite alright.
The path to being “alright” was long and winding. But if I were to go on with life, I have to traverse it even if I have to eat all my pride along the way. There is an adage that goes, “If you can’t change the situation, change yourself.” I was left with no choice than changing myself, and making it strong like a tree planted by streams of water that sends out its roots to the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
A year has gone by and I get on quite alright. I am still in the same situation, surrounded by the same people and faced with the same problems. However, I was no longer the same person I used to be. I am a lot happier, a lot better and a lot tranquil.
Had I quit that dreadful moment, I don’t know what would become of me now. I can only say, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Had I quit that moment, I would walk away a defeated person bringing along with me lots of pain and anger. For now, I have this inner purpose: to make the witnesses around me wonder why some lights in me still spark despite what I have been through. Sweet revenge, is it not?
So before you finally say I quit, take a deep breath, listen to yourself; for it alone knows what is best for you.
May you have a purposeful day!
~Nezel
In response to WP Daily Prompts: dilemma/unfinished.
Purposive Writer 