This photo was sent to me by Sheila with love. Happy Mother’s day to all mothers of any form, color, and sizes! š
Let me challenge your keen eye! Look for the two sets of two leaves closed together forming heart-shaped. I bet you see it. š
P.S.
Moringa leaves
Corn kernel
For years I have struggled to follow my dreams. I dream a little each day. Pray a little each day for that dream. Until I was determined enough to pursue that dream head on.
However, things just do not happen as expected. When you believe everything is in your hands, that’s the time when you are tested the most. And suddenly you realize, you are facing the mouth of uncertainty that’s ready to eat you any chance it gets.
That is actually what happened to me. I believe I could benefit from a separation pay that I would receive the moment I resign from my twelve years employment in the finance industry. What took place was the opposite. My kicked out employer denied to me the benefit she gave unto others who resigned ahead of me. This is something I need to settle with the labor agency. To add insult to injury, my laptop broke. Urgh!
With that at hand I begin to feel uncertain as of the moment. Fear is slowly numbing my being. I begin to ask if what I did was right; if I was designed to be here. The what ifs start to surface too. What if I could not find a job in months? What if my husband would no longer receive any projects? So many worst situations loomed before my face. To counter this uncertainty I began to ask for any vacant positions available in our government agencies. My friend gave me the idea too. I told myself it’s just for the meantime.
But then, how many meantime should I beat before I should reach my final destination? I have already endured a stressful six years staying in the meantime. This time there should never be any meantime. And no second options to turn to. There should never be any second option, or else I would focus my full attention there instead of on my goals.
The best thing that I must do is to focus on my “why.” Why do I brought myself here. Is it just for a selfish reason, or for a nobler one? My first reason is to earn money, yes. I need money to support my children, to send them to school, to live a decent life, and to help others. I live in a third world country where employees earn a meager income despite the degree they possess. And I want to rise above that. I don’t want to stay in shambles just to live.
My second “why” is the very purpose why I am alive. This is answering to what life called me for. This why is what gives meaning and purpose for my life. This is heeding to what my conscience is directing me to do.
As I stand here I realized I am not called to fight life’s battles too soon. I am called to go through a series of trainings like a soldier before a battle. But no, I am not to fight like the soldiers of King Saul. I am called to fight like the Biblical David. I am called to stay in solitude to tend a flock of sheep, to create my own song and drive away foxes and lions that would feed from my sheep. Small and unarmed I may be in the day of battle, still I am able to defeat the biggest giant there is. Because my training would focus on the strength of mind and spirit.
With these realizations, I choose to stay here and not find any “meantime” activities no matter how promising they would seem. For I know, even if I follow the path to another meantime activity, my heart would still yearn to be here with my whole body and soul. My why is so strong it would never leave me even for a second.
So I would stay here. Achieve my goals one step at a time; with the firm belief that He who brought me here would never leave me to wither and die.
Much love,
Nezel
Float. A word that when heard gives you a feeling of lightness and positive vibes. As a matter of fact, I had a wonderful experience with this one just last December.
As our company’s custom, we were to have our company’s annual gathering a day prior to our Christmas party. For this year’s activities, we had a recollection in the morning and the evaluation of each branch’s performance in the afternoon.
Honestly, I never had the vaguest idea how the recollection would affect me. I thought it would be the same experience we had just like the previous years: listen to what the priest had to share, laugh at his jokes, and plainly follow where he might lead us.
However, this one was far different. I could not explain if my experience of the night before had something to do with it, or it was justĀ a simple coincidence.
I was unable to sleep the night before. It may be because I was in a different room with four other peopleĀ or maybe it was due to a feeling of overwhelm as the long preparation for our presentation contest had just been over. Yep, we just danced earlier.
Anyway, yes I was unable to sleep, so restless. I felt a tinge of emptiness inside of me. I longed for silence. Inner silence. The kind of silence where I would not hear the noise from the air-conditioning or the snoring of my roommates. Specifically, I sought God. I missed God. I wanted to talk to Him verbally. I wanted to go outside, but afraid of being misinterpreted for staying out alone in the middle of the night. I felt so helpless.
Thankfully, I fell into a deep slumber after I started calling out Jesus’s name. That was the last thing I remembered upon waking up three hours later.
So then when we were inside the conference hall my eyelids were so heavy. The raindrops perfectly added to the sleepiness that I felt. The priest arrived. A not-so-interesting looking guy. Tall. A bit slim. Looked intelligent.
Father Ram was gentle but firm. He ordered us (not requested) to go to the comfort room or do anything that makes us comfortable for five minutes before he would beginĀ because he does not want anyone to be roaming around when he begins.
He was direct to the point. And I loved it. I was surprised when he said he wanted us to meet God not because we were told, but meet God for the sake of meeting Him. Cool. I thought, “ah, meditation.” Just like what I used to do.
I began to get worried when Father Ram told us to close our eyes. I was afraid I might fall asleep. That would be embarrassing. His technique was guided meditation with the help of background instrumental music.
With eyes closed, I struggled to stay awake. Father Ram’s voice echoed. Gentle. Comforting. He brought us to a place we longed for. The most beautiful place we could think of. Any place where we each finds comfort. I told myself, “ah, my paradise.” I began to scroll through my memory the image of my paradise. Because I was so sleepy, I only had fragments of it. The rainbow’s colors were not vibrant. The waterfalls were foggy. The grass on my feet was not so soft. Still, I managed to stay there.
I thought that would be the end of it. But I was caught by surprise when Father Ram urged us to welcome Jesus walking slowly towards us. The image of Him walking towards me was disturbing. My tears just fell unwantedly, when we were guided to gaze closely at his blue eyes. His loving gaze penetrated deeply into my whole being; my every bone, my tiniest cell, the darkest corners of my soul. I tried to control those tears because I did not want anybody noticed me crying. But in the silence of the room sobs began to be heard. I felt relieved for that knowledge.
So I continued to focus at the moment, at the blue eyes that gazed lovingly into my sinful soul. I felt so lost in the sea of my emotions. I let go. I could not believe that the night before I longed for Him. And aĀ few hours later, here He was looking into my eyes, loving me, hugging me. It was so good to have Him with me once again.
A light seemed to surround me. At that moment it was only me and Jesus. His embrace melted into my flesh. I felt so light all over. I seemed to float. I wanted to spread my arms and fly. I felt like flying. I was on cloud nine, ten, eleven. Words are too weak to describe the beauty of that moment. It was just so wow!
Father Ram’s voice brought me back into reality when he told us to offer to Jesus all our pains and troubles. As to this part, I was not so dramatic. For I know, troubles are always there for our growth and learning. The only difference is: when we call on God to carry the burdens with us, life is bearable. If not, it would be a misery.
I felt Jesus telling me that He is just there no matter what. He is always there. I need only to call on Him and listen to the silence in my heart where He speaks. That was all I need.
When we were brought back to reality, I felt very much energized. The feeling of sleepiness was gone. I felt so fresh, so whole, so completeāthe feelings I least expected.
It was years gone by when I last had my recollection. And I am so thankful for having this one at the end of the year. Until now the positive vibes I have had still lingers. With this experience fresh in my memory bucket, I know a wonderful year is waiting for me.
May your year started this beautiful too. Have a blessed day!
This is the first time I am sharing my life goals for a specific year. I normally am a secretive person. I keep things unto myself. For playing it safe, yes. The fear of being busted keeps my mouth shut. But then again, the blogging world is deliberately guiding my arms to open up. Where then can I find a team of encouragers and inspirersĀ but here, with you guys, who share with me the stuff or the cause I love doing.
The idea too of sharing my goals with you is coined by Liz of Stay Strong, Daily Warrior, who first shared her goals for 2017. I admit, I am a little fearsome for I know I am accountable when the end of the year comes. But a little courageousĀ too because I could no longer make any more excuses for not doing the things I want to do.
At first, I thought I only have one or two goals for this year. But when I started to write the draft, I wrote twelve of them. Such a major difference when you put into writing your thoughts. Things come clearer. But I will just share here the major goals. So, here they are:
This has been my dream for the past six years after I gave birth to my youngest. However, I lacked all the necessary tools needed to fulfill this dream. I have no computer, no knowledge, no internet connection. In those six years, I slowly inched my way up to come here. I enrolled myself in an online course in order to know the highways and byways of the online life; of course, to learn the skills and tools needed too.
Now, I am ready! Yes, I am for hire as a blog writer, content writer or social media manager. If you, your friend or someone you, know need some help in content or social media, I might be able to help. You may view my full portfolio hereĀ .
The other year, Darren Hardy asks his readers what is the one thing they each want to do. My answer is ‘write my own book.’ One person comments, “oh, that is the easiest thing to do in the world.” Sure, it is. Maybe for one who is living alone with lesser responsibilities. But how about for someone who is a full-time employee, hands-on mother, homemaker and a wife? Each of this roles must have an allotted quality time. Doing something apart from these roles means having to give up some of the time given to one role. Thus, it is the time that keeps me from fulfilling my lifelong dream.
This year, I need to change strategies and re-arrange my schedules. I am still connected in the corporate world as of now. When God grants me my writing gig, that would be the time I hop into a career transition.
I am very much aware that I still need to learn many things. Thus, I avail some of the free courses offered by different learning institutions through MOOC. Hopefully, to get a certificate upon completion. That would be a great help for my portfolio. Whenever I get one, I surely would show it here.
That is all. These are my 2017 major goals. With much prayers that God would guide my way. What are your 2017 goals too? Would you love to share it with us?
Why do hearts constantly break? I often ask myself. I don’t want broken heartsāmine or that of others. But hearts tend to break easily whether we like it or not, over small things and even crazy, nonsense ones. It is its natureāto break. Why? Because it’s through those cracks that God could easily enter. And it’s through those brokenness that God could prove He is able to make our broken hearts in perfect shape again… 
These past few days my creative juices stop flowing. Frustration would grip every writer when this thing happens. I am. Thankfully, images are great life-savers.
I am not under the spell of writer’s block. My mind is just too stressed to receive or share fresh insights. Others call this overwhelm. It really is. I tackle too many things this time: completing office stuffĀ before the year ends, home-decorating ideas for Christmas, prepping for the company’s Christmas party presentation and taking the necessary steps for a full-blown online writing career.
Yes, I am into bringing my life’s passion to the next level. I want to roll into one my passion and work. Perhaps I would be less stressed by thenĀ since there is not much effort on my part. This is the new Ā recipe I am cooking for my life when the new year starts. With much hope that I could create a perfect dish.
This leads me to focus on the gaps in between. This is the gap that Ben Huberman talks about in this week’s Discover Challenge. This gap is the missing link in the journey from here to there. Here is where the initiative, perseverance, persistence, strategies, actions and the like come into the picture. And here is where I am at this point. I guess, most of us are.
On the other side of the coin are the challenges inherent to every success journey. This is very much anticipated. While it would be my desire to weather every storm along the way, there may be some instances where I spread myself too thinly. I could just prepare myself for these things.
I greatly believe: When God leads us to an unknown path, He would never ever leave us. This is what I keep holding on to. Come what may, God is with me.
May you already found the gap that leads you from here to there.
Whatever imperfections or filth that have been attached to my “existence”, still it could not diminish the fact that I am a child of God.
In deep slumber I was,
Lying at ease,
Carried by the humdrum
of everyday.
But life was such
an enigmatic beauty.
At first, it was a spark,
Followed by bursts of fire,
‘Til it became a flameā
A flame I could not extinguish.
On and on it burned.
Burned my peace,
And ignited a longing.
The rope of monotony snapped.
Okay, Ā I said finally.
Write I must,
But with a prayer I pleaded,
“Just please guide me God,
or else, the flame
would just die to naught.”
Purposive Writer 