I Know Life is Beautiful, But…

Life is beautiful

Life is beautiful. But, I don’t know why. I’m sure it is. It’s beautiful way, way beyond what I feel, or think, or see. Only that I couldn’t point out why it is so. I couldn’t explain further.

Have you had any experience like this? You’re given a beautiful idea but you’re not given anything to back it up. Well, let me be bold enough to let it be. In the art of writing, I guess, we don’t have to digest everything. We only have to express something that’s boiling inside to get out. This is an example of it in its rawness. And simplicity. No complications.

I might sound inconsistent but I allow inconsistency to happen through me. At least I know, I am consistent in my inconsistencies. Let’s start a revolution of expression. Let’s just BE

Daily Prompt: Opaque

I Am But Human

I am but human.
It seems like a new year again. After Easter. I’ve been away for a few days. I didn’t mean to. I did have the time. It’s not writer’s block either. Many ideas kept boggling in my head. There’s one thing that prevented me from sitting down and expressing my thoughts. It’s that I couldn’t compose myself.
 
I seem to be experiencing my own crucifixion too. Yes, things weren’t perfect around. Perhaps, I was a little carried away by how things went. Or, I could be making mountains out of a molehill. I don’t know. This is one situation in life where I dread the most—when I don’t know what’s happening within. I hate to lost my stability. 
 
It is but human conditioning to stand on safer grounds—to be in control of everything going on in our life. If not, we are deemed lost or a little bit broken. We don’t like that. I don’t like that. I don’t like to be like a prey of something bigger than me. I don’t like to be fighting with a monster I couldn’t figure out what.
 
At some point, I yielded to the idea that it may be depression lurking within the confines of my head. Why? I haven’t yet arrived at the place where I want to be in a specified time. A monster within prevented me. Sometimes it helps to allow things to happen its way and just flow with the ebb of time. Yet, a voice within says: Hey! You should be doing this. You should be doing that.
 
Sometimes I recognize it to be my voice. Sometimes it’s a stranger’s. At times, I thought I wasn’t thinking right. Maybe, I’d go insane? This is what puzzled me most about life. When the universe wants to tell you the way you should go, it doesn’t give you one option. It gives two. It’s always either up or down; sanity or insanity; enlightenment or foolishness. The mere act of choosing is so difficult I needed to pour out my vulnerability with someone. So glad my husband’s there for me. Willing to hold my hand even if he could not quite comprehend what’s going on my insides. This might be what husbands are made for too.
 
So, I was crucified on Good Friday. I took up my cross and marched to some kind of death. I know, what I’ve been through was nothing compared to what Jesus, or others had been through. But it helps a little to say: I, too, have my own cross. Those who took up their crosses and never uttered a word were unicorns, while I am but human.
 
Now, Easter has come. A resurrection for those who believed. I am a lot better. Not because things are getting clearer. In fact, it’s still murky. But I have this one realization: it’s okay to feel not okay. It’s okay to be in a maze. It’s okay to stand on unstable grounds.
 
What drove the nail deep within my flesh was the thought of sharing only with you the things that are beautiful. This thought prevented me from writing for days. I said I could not be expressing my vulnerabilities here. The world doesn’t need it. I could have researched for some more positive things to share. I could have echoed the positive message of the great gurus and wise men out there.
 
Only that I don’t want to lie. I’ve lived a life full of lies over a decade. I recently turned away from that path because I choose to walk my talk. Now that I’m here, I’ve got to make the most of it.
 
Our vulnerabilities are beautiful too. Our humanness is perfect in its imperfection. What drives us crazier is the fear of feeling weak and walking on the path of the unknown. We could not shun away from the imperfections in our life and favor only the “perfect” events. We are humans. We fail. And we are still beautiful in our failures. It’s not something ugly. It’s something we have to go through. It’s part of the process of our becoming.
 
My other realization is that I am just human. Meaning, I need to face the fact that Someone out there is greater than me. And it’s in my weaknesses that I could say: Okay, I’m done. Please take over.
I am but human. I didn’t come here because I choose to. I come here out of love. And out of love, I could say: I accept and love myself wherever I am standing. I’m sure, the One who brought me here would never allow me to just fade like an unsung song.
Since it’s resurrection, I could start seeing life with fresh new eyes. Match with a belief that things are always beautiful despite the truth that I am but human.
Happy Easter!
pwnezel

The Need for Healing

healing-quote-1

Days ago I contemplated on narrowing down my niche to healing. What a coincidence it is to today’s prompt. Let me enumerate the grounds why I want to choose this path:

We are all broken

Each of us carries within our self wounds from the past. We get used to it until we consider these wounds a part of our very self. Left unresolved, these wounds would interfere with our day to day activities. We then start to wonder why things always get messy, why peace is elusive, and why it seems we could not do a thing right.

The world needs healers

It was written that those who can love the greatest are the ones who experienced pain the greatest. For how can one describe a place in its minute details when he has never been there? The same holds true for healing. Healers knew where it hurts, what helps and what doesn’t. They just don’t sympathize, they empathize as well.

The world is broken. Very broken. We could not just stand still and watch pains and hurts unfold before our eyes. We need to do our part. But before we could extend help, we need to help our self first. We need to heal first.

Spread inspiration

Why should I do this? Who cares? I asked these questions unto myself. I am a nobody and no one would care to listen anyway. But hey. There is a point in which the messenger is not as important as the message. The point is authenticity. It’s the message between the lines that matter. It’s the force behind the words that urges each one to push through. May we not be constrained in our own limiting beliefs in doing what we feel we should do. Our message may be simple, yet it may be the only words that a broken soul needs in a particular minute.

I need healing too

I’ve been trying to heal myself for quite a time now. Then it occurs to me that it may be more inspiring if I heal with other wounded souls too. That way, I would not be alone in this journey.

So, if you’re like me, I invite you to ride along. Together, in our small way, let us be tenacious in “healing the world and making it a better place.” 

pwnezel

Heal

Tenacious

 

The Importance of Finding Your Individuality

There is nothing more comforting than when you are connected with others. This connection makes you more secure, more accepted and gives you a sense of belongingness. However, this connectedness must not limit you to your individuality.

At some point in your life, you need to distance your beloved self from others in order to see the bigger things that are specifically designed for you. Because when you’re going with the flow all too often, you sometimes get lost in the crowd. You are one with it, yet not quite feeling in it.  While going with the flow offers less resistance, going against it creates friction and discord in your perceived outcomes. But, should you continue the road to least resistance even when you’re not designed to fit in that arena?

Choosing to follow your own individuality might be daunting, but before giving up, consider the following importance of conquering such lofty task.

Carving your own path

The path to individuality is yours to take. NO one could live it for you. Jacob Sokol in his ebook, Living on Purpose, points out that creating your own path is like paving your way in a jungle. You don’t know what’s ahead. You just have to cut your way through dense undergrowth and face whatever you find along the way. You have to have a remarkable amount of grit in order to do this.

Following the path that others may have carved may be helpful, like choosing to have a mentor in a specific field you want to master and in which you feel you’re called to do. But doing the actual thing is your own battle. It’s the same way as learning to walk while a small child. Your parents were there to assist you and catch you when you fall, but the strength needed to stand and take a step is yours alone to muster.

Letting your individuality shine

Oscar Wilde said, “Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals.”

In the society as a whole, where can we find you? You don’t need to be famous and do great things in order to be recognized. When you become the person you truly are, your light shines no matter how small you may be. No small spark left unnoticed. So, shine on. Be you.

Developing your originality

You’re living in a world of copycats. I, for one, am guilty of this at some point. There was one time when I fell in love with the phrase “to the moon and back“. I first read it at a blogger’s bio. I thought of copying that. However, when I was still fabricating words where I could fill that in, it became an instant cliché. I kept seeing it used on Facebook, Instagram and even on TV promotions.

The creator of that phrase might have been proud. People loved it so much that they keep using it. This might be the one downside of living in the world of copycats. When what you produce becomes an instant hit, people would get confused about its origin.

But you won’t be stopped by this limitation, would you? No matter what, stay original. You may imitate the strategy of others, but not their works. Each one of us has our own genius. Find that genius in you. When you find it, you find the key to your originality chest.

 

 

Contributing your gifts to the world

When you find your own inner genius, and act on it, then you are contributing something to the world. Your contribution might be as small as finding your passion in gardening, or crocheting, or kayaking. No one might enjoy the activity as much as you, but what you become as a result of finding this true love is helpful to others. The beautiful person you could become is what the world needs. The world needs happy people, positive people, and inspiring people.

Not only that, you are also able to share with others the tips and tricks you learn along the way. Isn’t that cool?

Inspiring others

Most of us are dreamers. The difference lies between continuing to just dream and doing something to chase the dream. When you’re able to chase your dream and fulfill it, others would be inspired to do the same. They’d find themselves more confident to get out of the pack and be their true, authentic selves.

Are you ready to spread inspiration? Please do. I might benefit from you in time, I know. All the things above are what I keep saying to myself too. I’m not there yet. And maybe there’s no final destination to the road of individuality. As long as we are given the opportunity to become who we truly are, we need to seize every moment of it.

May you find your own individuality.

pwnezel

Daily Prompt

 

 

WPC: Wish

Weekly Photo Challenge: Wish

Like any other loving mothers, my greatest wish for my two sons is that they’d be genuinely happy in everything they do and in whatever situation they are in.

If I could, I would have them be free of life’s bruises and problems. If possible, no tear may fall upon their eyes and no questions may hunt their young minds. If I could just spare them from the harsh realities of life, that I would certainly do.

However, if that would come true, I’d be the most unfair mother of all. For I cannot teach my children to be strong when they are not faced with their own weaknesses. I cannot teach them trust when they are not confronted with doubts. And I could not give them the right answers when they fail to see the nuances of things.

I may be the most hurt when they are hurt, or in pain. But I also have to endure the pains of a mother that never stop even after childbirth. My two hands are ever ready to embrace them in every fall or victory that may come their way.

And I could only pray, like any mother out there, that my Maker would always cast His loving guidance upon my two beautiful sons.

pwnezel

Weekly Photo Challenge

Making Most of the Gap from a Nobody to Somebody

The transition phase

Making the most of the gap from a nobody to somebody

So how was I after two weeks in the unemployment barracks? Well, I felt good, a bit apprehensive but more excited for the new path I am taking.

There are three reasons why people walk away: burn-out, unproductive environment and seeking for something that gives more meaning and purpose to life. I have all those three. For those I have left, my reasons would be unsettling. But life must be lived the way it is meant to be.

Letting go

Within the two weeks of soul searching, I discovered I need to let go of some things before I could successfully embark on a new journey. I need to shake off the dust from my feet. As I have shared here, for reasons unclear to me, my employer does not like me that much. No matter how much hard work I contribute to the workplace, still she makes me feel as if I were a liability to the company. The insults I received from her left a deep wound in my being. It is not only me, actually. She hates some of her employees and loves some. Internal politics, yes. But it hurts. And affects self-esteem as well.

Should I stay within the confines of the wound and feelings of worthlessness? Nah! Of course, not. Life is too precious to spend on those emotions. No matter how much we learned that dislike of the person and failing to come up with standards are no way to debase someone, it still happens. Sometimes for reasons that are beyond our control.

Healing part

But then again, healing has to happen. If I just have a magic wand, I would have swayed it in the air and wham! I’m alright. Yet, nature has its own rules of making things happen. I have to go through the process of forgiveness. I need to go through the process of making my inner child remember once again that the way people look at me or think of me has no connection of who I am. I may not be a great person but my Maker sent me here for a reason. Sometimes, it is to do great things according to the capacity He gives each one.

The “why” questions

Things happen for a reason. Why does my former employer hate me? I found out now, it is kind of a domino effect. Experts say over and over again, that the way we look at ourselves has some effect on the way people look at us. Others treat us the way we treat ourselves. I do not hate myself, to be clear. But I admit, I am a nervous duckling.

Way back when I started that job, I was scared to lead. I prayed it would be fine with me to stay in the background as a support and not be the center of the spotlight. True enough, no matter how qualified I was, the other one was chosen as the manager and me as the assistant. Since my degree fits much with the responsibilities at hand, my former employer expected much from me than her chosen head. The blame was always on me every time our team failed to come up with certain expectations. Absurd, isn’t it? This scenario goes on and on until I decided to quit.

Buried ghosts

Not only that, I found out I am still carrying within me the failures and insecurities of the past.

When I was nine years old my mother and her friend had a talk in my presence. Her friend shared how good her kids were. My mother retorted, “good for you, my kids are all good for nothing.” That remark left a big scar in my self-esteem. Though I understand where my mother came from.

Her mother died when she was five years old. She and her two brothers were left with a drunkard father and an “evil” stepmother. Thus, the three of them grew up with lashes and scorn. Notwithstanding the fact that they were literally poor.

She struggled to take care of her own family and loved us the way a mother should. But the ghosts of her past appear from time to time making us experience the bitter taste of it.

Then when I was in the last year of my secondary school, I messed myself up by mental block in a declamation contest. The experience embarrassed me much. How I wished the two hundred plus audience would instantly forget my name. This might be the reason I dreaded to be in the spotlight, and be a center of attention once again.

The correct mindset

With my first-hand experience as the subject of my own case study, proper mindset plays a big role in job success or in whatever undertaking one sets himself to. Because I started with the wrong mindset, I ended up in a wrong working environment. This is the reason why few people excel and most fail. Whether we like it or not, this is how the world is designed. There is a saving grace, though—learning the WAYS of a proper mindset.

Wrong form of prayer

Dr. Joseph Murphy said that prayers could have negative effects if done incorrectly. When we pray we should see to it that we already have in mind the result of what we pray for. This is called nowadays as visualization.

This is where I am guilty of. The fact is, I am a prayerful person. Only that I prayed out of fear. When I pray, what I had in mind was the worst case scenario that could happen—thus I prayed that it would never happen. Sadly, that worst case scenario is already happening in my mind. Consequently, my prayers seldom were answered.

Focus is the key

What do I do now? FOCUS. Focus on what could happen rightly. Focus on my desired results. Focus on my bright future. Focus on becoming the somebody I was designed to be.

The wrongs of the past are not meant to destroy me nor anybody. If we just ask the right questions: why do things happen the way they did or why did I do what I’ve done, then we are onto the path of making the most of our dear life.

Each of us has a unique purpose. If we find and fulfill that very purpose, then we are no longer the nobody who wandered aimlessly into this world. We become the somebody who managed to do it despite everything we have been through. Be that somebody. I’m so glad to be on my way.

pwnezel

Daily Prompt: translate

The Path to Success

The Path to Success

Where does success end?

We all strive for success in all our undertakings. Just like my current state, I am ending my twelve-year corporate job to chase my full-time writing dream. Should I fulfill such dream, I could say I am successful.

But is that the end of it? They say some good things never lasts. Does this mean if I attain success in my undertakings, it would never last? Perhaps success is definitely not the end purpose. It is something that we become along the journey. It is our learnings, keeping our feet on the ground and being shaped into the kind of person we supposedly become.

So if we fail to become what we thought we ought to become, it signifies no failure. It means we got the message wrong. We then have to move on and find the right path for us.

And if in my case I get it all wrong, at least I know one more thing that is not for me. The best thing for me to do is to call on my God for the right direction to follow. In Him I know, I would never go wrong. The road may not be smooth, but surely the rewards are great as long as I never get lost all along.

May you too, would find your path to success.

pwnezel