The transition phase

So how was I after two weeks in the unemployment barracks? Well, I felt good, a bit apprehensive but more excited for the new path I am taking.

There are three reasons why people walk away: burn-out, unproductive environment and seeking for something that gives more meaning and purpose to life. I have all those three. For those I have left, my reasons would be unsettling. But life must be lived the way it is meant to be.

Letting go

Within the two weeks of soul searching, I discovered I need to let go of some things before I could successfully embark on a new journey. I need to shake off the dust from my feet. As I have shared here, for reasons unclear to me, my employer does not like me that much. No matter how much hard work I contribute to the workplace, still she makes me feel as if I were a liability to the company. The insults I received from her left a deep wound in my being. It is not only me, actually. She hates some of her employees and loves some. Internal politics, yes. But it hurts. And affects self-esteem as well.

Should I stay within the confines of the wound and feelings of worthlessness? Nah! Of course, not. Life is too precious to spend on those emotions. No matter how much we learned that dislike of the person and failing to come up with standards are no way to debase someone, it still happens. Sometimes for reasons that are beyond our control.

Healing part

But then again, healing has to happen. If I just have a magic wand, I would have swayed it in the air and wham! I’m alright. Yet, nature has its own rules of making things happen. I have to go through the process of forgiveness. I need to go through the process of making my inner child remember once again that the way people look at me or think of me has no connection of who I am. I may not be a great person but my Maker sent me here for a reason. Sometimes, it is to do great things according to the capacity He gives each one.

The “why” questions

Things happen for a reason. Why does my former employer hate me? I found out now, it is kind of a domino effect. Experts say over and over again, that the way we look at ourselves has some effect on the way people look at us. Others treat us the way we treat ourselves. I do not hate myself, to be clear. But I admit, I am a nervous duckling.

Way back when I started that job, I was scared to lead. I prayed it would be fine with me to stay in the background as a support and not be the center of the spotlight. True enough, no matter how qualified I was, the other one was chosen as the manager and me as the assistant. Since my degree fits much with the responsibilities at hand, my former employer expected much from me than her chosen head. The blame was always on me every time our team failed to come up with certain expectations. Absurd, isn’t it? This scenario goes on and on until I decided to quit.

Buried ghosts

Not only that, I found out I am still carrying within me the failures and insecurities of the past.

When I was nine years old my mother and her friend had a talk in my presence. Her friend shared how good her kids were. My mother retorted, “good for you, my kids are all good for nothing.” That remark left a big scar in my self-esteem. Though I understand where my mother came from.

Her mother died when she was five years old. She and her two brothers were left with a drunkard father and an “evil” stepmother. Thus, the three of them grew up with lashes and scorn. Notwithstanding the fact that they were literally poor.

She struggled to take care of her own family and loved us the way a mother should. But the ghosts of her past appear from time to time making us experience the bitter taste of it.

Then when I was in the last year of my secondary school, I messed myself up by mental block in a declamation contest. The experience embarrassed me much. How I wished the two hundred plus audience would instantly forget my name. This might be the reason I dreaded to be in the spotlight, and be a center of attention once again.

The correct mindset

With my first-hand experience as the subject of my own case study, proper mindset plays a big role in job success or in whatever undertaking one sets himself to. Because I started with the wrong mindset, I ended up in a wrong working environment. This is the reason why few people excel and most fail. Whether we like it or not, this is how the world is designed. There is a saving grace, though—learning the WAYS of a proper mindset.

Wrong form of prayer

Dr. Joseph Murphy said that prayers could have negative effects if done incorrectly. When we pray we should see to it that we already have in mind the result of what we pray for. This is called nowadays as visualization.

This is where I am guilty of. The fact is, I am a prayerful person. Only that I prayed out of fear. When I pray, what I had in mind was the worst case scenario that could happen—thus I prayed that it would never happen. Sadly, that worst case scenario is already happening in my mind. Consequently, my prayers seldom were answered.

Focus is the key

What do I do now? FOCUS. Focus on what could happen rightly. Focus on my desired results. Focus on my bright future. Focus on becoming the somebody I was designed to be.

The wrongs of the past are not meant to destroy me nor anybody. If we just ask the right questions: why do things happen the way they did or why did I do what I’ve done, then we are onto the path of making the most of our dear life.

Each of us has a unique purpose. If we find and fulfill that very purpose, then we are no longer the nobody who wandered aimlessly into this world. We become the somebody who managed to do it despite everything we have been through. Be that somebody. I’m so glad to be on my way.

Daily Prompt: translate