Be Present

Be present

Some days are gloomy, others sunny. Figuratively. But be not carried away by life’s changing seasons and ebbs. They do not matter much. What matters much is your every breath, your every smile, your every tear in each of the seasons.

You’re designed to live a life so full. Universe does not say a full life is one free of pain or sorrow. To live fully is to be present whatever season your life is in. Your life’s seasons is not dependent on your environment. It’s dependent on where you are in your state of life. Whether you are in spring where your life is just budding; in summer where your days are longer and you think only of relaxation and fun; in fall where you’ve matured much and let go of excess baggage in your life; in winter where everything around is cold, like people and relationships, and all you want to do is embrace yourself tight and stay indoors than be outdoors.

Being present in all these seasons with all that you are makes the journey easier, lighter, and real. Be done with illusions. Throw away expectations. Be an avid fan of life. Be bold. Be brave. Be you. Live.

pwnezel

Daily Prompt: avid

I Am But Human

I am but human.
It seems like a new year again. After Easter. I’ve been away for a few days. I didn’t mean to. I did have the time. It’s not writer’s block either. Many ideas kept boggling in my head. There’s one thing that prevented me from sitting down and expressing my thoughts. It’s that I couldn’t compose myself.
 
I seem to be experiencing my own crucifixion too. Yes, things weren’t perfect around. Perhaps, I was a little carried away by how things went. Or, I could be making mountains out of a molehill. I don’t know. This is one situation in life where I dread the most—when I don’t know what’s happening within. I hate to lost my stability. 
 
It is but human conditioning to stand on safer grounds—to be in control of everything going on in our life. If not, we are deemed lost or a little bit broken. We don’t like that. I don’t like that. I don’t like to be like a prey of something bigger than me. I don’t like to be fighting with a monster I couldn’t figure out what.
 
At some point, I yielded to the idea that it may be depression lurking within the confines of my head. Why? I haven’t yet arrived at the place where I want to be in a specified time. A monster within prevented me. Sometimes it helps to allow things to happen its way and just flow with the ebb of time. Yet, a voice within says: Hey! You should be doing this. You should be doing that.
 
Sometimes I recognize it to be my voice. Sometimes it’s a stranger’s. At times, I thought I wasn’t thinking right. Maybe, I’d go insane? This is what puzzled me most about life. When the universe wants to tell you the way you should go, it doesn’t give you one option. It gives two. It’s always either up or down; sanity or insanity; enlightenment or foolishness. The mere act of choosing is so difficult I needed to pour out my vulnerability with someone. So glad my husband’s there for me. Willing to hold my hand even if he could not quite comprehend what’s going on my insides. This might be what husbands are made for too.
 
So, I was crucified on Good Friday. I took up my cross and marched to some kind of death. I know, what I’ve been through was nothing compared to what Jesus, or others had been through. But it helps a little to say: I, too, have my own cross. Those who took up their crosses and never uttered a word were unicorns, while I am but human.
 
Now, Easter has come. A resurrection for those who believed. I am a lot better. Not because things are getting clearer. In fact, it’s still murky. But I have this one realization: it’s okay to feel not okay. It’s okay to be in a maze. It’s okay to stand on unstable grounds.
 
What drove the nail deep within my flesh was the thought of sharing only with you the things that are beautiful. This thought prevented me from writing for days. I said I could not be expressing my vulnerabilities here. The world doesn’t need it. I could have researched for some more positive things to share. I could have echoed the positive message of the great gurus and wise men out there.
 
Only that I don’t want to lie. I’ve lived a life full of lies over a decade. I recently turned away from that path because I choose to walk my talk. Now that I’m here, I’ve got to make the most of it.
 
Our vulnerabilities are beautiful too. Our humanness is perfect in its imperfection. What drives us crazier is the fear of feeling weak and walking on the path of the unknown. We could not shun away from the imperfections in our life and favor only the “perfect” events. We are humans. We fail. And we are still beautiful in our failures. It’s not something ugly. It’s something we have to go through. It’s part of the process of our becoming.
 
My other realization is that I am just human. Meaning, I need to face the fact that Someone out there is greater than me. And it’s in my weaknesses that I could say: Okay, I’m done. Please take over.
I am but human. I didn’t come here because I choose to. I come here out of love. And out of love, I could say: I accept and love myself wherever I am standing. I’m sure, the One who brought me here would never allow me to just fade like an unsung song.
Since it’s resurrection, I could start seeing life with fresh new eyes. Match with a belief that things are always beautiful despite the truth that I am but human.
Happy Easter!
pwnezel

The Newest and Most Amazing Addition to My Core Memory

The Newest and Most Amazing Addition to My Core Memory

Get-together

Float. A word that when heard gives you a feeling of lightness and positive vibes. As a matter of fact, I had a wonderful experience with this one just last December.

As our company’s custom, we were to have our company’s annual gathering a day prior to our Christmas party. For this year’s activities, we had a recollection in the morning and the evaluation of each branch’s performance in the afternoon.

Honestly, I never had the vaguest idea how the recollection would affect me. I thought it would be the same experience we had just like the previous years: listen to what the priest had to share, laugh at his jokes, and plainly follow where he might lead us.

However, this one was far different. I could not explain if my experience of the night before had something to do with it, or it was just a simple coincidence.

Restless

I was unable to sleep the night before. It may be because I was in a different room with four other people or maybe it was due to a feeling of overwhelm as the long preparation for our presentation contest had just been over. Yep, we just danced earlier.

Anyway, yes I was unable to sleep, so restless. I felt a tinge of emptiness inside of me. I longed for silence. Inner silence. The kind of silence where I would not hear the noise from the air-conditioning or the snoring of my roommates. Specifically, I sought God. I missed God. I wanted to talk to Him verbally. I wanted to go outside, but afraid of being misinterpreted for staying out alone in the middle of the night. I felt so helpless.

Thankfully, I fell into a deep slumber after I started calling out Jesus’s name. That was the last thing I remembered upon waking up three hours later.

Recollection

So then when we were inside the conference hall my eyelids were so heavy. The raindrops perfectly added to the sleepiness that I felt. The priest arrived. A not-so-interesting looking guy. Tall. A bit slim. Looked intelligent.

Father Ram was gentle but firm. He ordered us (not requested) to go to the comfort room or do anything that makes us comfortable for five minutes before he would begin because he does not want anyone to be roaming around when he begins.

He was direct to the point. And I loved it. I was surprised when he said he wanted us to meet God not because we were told, but meet God for the sake of meeting Him. Cool. I thought, “ah, meditation.” Just like what I used to do.

I began to get worried when Father Ram told us to close our eyes. I was afraid I might fall asleep. That would be embarrassing. His technique was guided meditation with the help of background instrumental music.

With eyes closed, I struggled to stay awake. Father Ram’s voice echoed. Gentle. Comforting. He brought us to a place we longed for. The most beautiful place we could think of. Any place where we each finds comfort. I told myself, “ah, my paradise.” I began to scroll through my memory the image of my paradise. Because I was so sleepy, I only had fragments of it. The rainbow’s colors were not vibrant. The waterfalls were foggy. The grass on my feet was not so soft. Still, I managed to stay there.

Reunited

I thought that would be the end of it. But I was caught by surprise when Father Ram urged us to welcome Jesus walking slowly towards us. The image of Him walking towards me was disturbing. My tears just fell unwantedly, when we were guided to gaze closely at his blue eyes. His loving gaze penetrated deeply into my whole being; my every bone, my tiniest cell, the darkest corners of my soul. I tried to control those tears because I did not want anybody noticed me crying. But in the silence of the room sobs began to be heard. I felt relieved for that knowledge.

So I continued to focus at the moment, at the blue eyes that gazed lovingly into my sinful soul. I felt so lost in the sea of my emotions. I let go. I could not believe that the night before I longed for Him. And a few hours later, here He was looking into my eyes, loving me, hugging me. It was so good to have Him with me once again.

A light seemed to surround me. At that moment it was only me and Jesus. His embrace melted into my flesh. I felt so light all over. I seemed to float. I wanted to spread my arms and fly. I felt like flying. I was on cloud nine, ten, eleven. Words are too weak to describe the beauty of that moment. It was just so wow!

Reality

Father Ram’s voice brought me back into reality when he told us to offer to Jesus all our pains and troubles. As to this part, I was not so dramatic. For I know, troubles are always there for our growth and learning. The only difference is: when we call on God to carry the burdens with us, life is bearable. If not, it would be a misery.

I felt Jesus telling me that He is just there no matter what. He is always there. I need only to call on Him and listen to the silence in my heart where He speaks. That was all I need.

Re-energized

When we were brought back to reality, I felt very much energized. The feeling of sleepiness was gone. I felt so fresh, so whole, so complete—the feelings I least expected.

It was years gone by when I last had my recollection. And I am so thankful for having this one at the end of the year. Until now the positive vibes I have had still lingers. With this experience fresh in my memory bucket, I know a wonderful year is waiting for me.

May your year started this beautiful too. Have a blessed day!

pwnezel

Float

Specific

Infinite

 

 

 

 

 

Why Do Hearts Constantly Break?

why do hearts constantly break

Why do hearts constantly break? I often ask myself. I don’t want broken hearts—mine or that of others. But hearts tend to break easily whether we like it or not, over small things and even crazy, nonsense ones. It is its nature—to break. Why? Because it’s through those cracks that God could easily enter. And it’s through those brokenness that God could prove He is able to make our broken hearts in perfect shape again…

 

Mind The Gap

Mind the gap

These past few days my creative juices stop flowing. Frustration would grip every writer when this thing happens. I am. Thankfully, images are great life-savers.

I am not under the spell of writer’s block. My mind is just too stressed to receive or share fresh insights. Others call this overwhelm. It really is. I tackle too many things this time: completing office stuff before the year ends, home-decorating ideas for Christmas, prepping for the company’s Christmas party presentation and taking the necessary steps for a full-blown online writing career.

Yes, I am into bringing my life’s passion to the next level. I want to roll into one my passion and work. Perhaps I would be less stressed by then since there is not much effort on my part. This is the new  recipe I am cooking for my life when the new year starts. With much hope that I could create a perfect dish.

This leads me to focus on the gaps in between. This is the gap that Ben Huberman talks about in this week’s Discover Challenge. This gap is the missing link in the journey from here to there. Here is where the initiative, perseverance, persistence, strategies, actions and the like come into the picture. And here is where I am at this point. I guess, most of us are.

On the other side of the coin are the challenges inherent to every success journey. This is very much anticipated. While it would be my desire to weather every storm along the way, there may be some instances where I spread myself too thinly. I could just prepare myself for these things.

I greatly believe: When God leads us to an unknown path, He would never ever leave us. This is what I keep holding on to. Come what may, God is with me.

May you already found the gap that leads you from here to there.

purposivewriter - nezel yurong

Mind the Gap

Anticipate