God

January 8, 2017

The Newest and Most Amazing Addition to My Core Memory

The Newest and Most Amazing Addition to My Core Memory

Get-together

Float. A word that when heard gives you a feeling of lightness and positive vibes. As a matter of fact, I had a wonderful experience with this one just last December.

As our company’s custom, we were to have our company’s annual gathering a day prior to our Christmas party. For this year’s activities, we had a recollection in the morning and the evaluation of each branch’s performance in the afternoon.

Honestly, I never had the vaguest idea how the recollection would affect me. I thought it would be the same experience we had just like the previous years: listen to what the priest had to share, laugh at his jokes, and plainly follow where he might lead us.

However, this one was far different. I could not explain if my experience of the night before had something to do with it, or it was just a simple coincidence.

Restless

I was unable to sleep the night before. It may be because I was in a different room with four other people or maybe it was due to a feeling of overwhelm as the long preparation for our presentation contest had just been over. Yep, we just danced earlier.

Anyway, yes I was unable to sleep, so restless. I felt a tinge of emptiness inside of me. I longed for silence. Inner silence. The kind of silence where I would not hear the noise from the air-conditioning or the snoring of my roommates. Specifically, I sought God. I missed God. I wanted to talk to Him verbally. I wanted to go outside, but afraid of being misinterpreted for staying out alone in the middle of the night. I felt so helpless.

Thankfully, I fell into a deep slumber after I started calling out Jesus’s name. That was the last thing I remembered upon waking up three hours later.

Recollection

So then when we were inside the conference hall my eyelids were so heavy. The raindrops perfectly added to the sleepiness that I felt. The priest arrived. A not-so-interesting looking guy. Tall. A bit slim. Looked intelligent.

Father Ram was gentle but firm. He ordered us (not requested) to go to the comfort room or do anything that makes us comfortable for five minutes before he would begin because he does not want anyone to be roaming around when he begins.

He was direct to the point. And I loved it. I was surprised when he said he wanted us to meet God not because we were told, but meet God for the sake of meeting Him. Cool. I thought, “ah, meditation.” Just like what I used to do.

I began to get worried when Father Ram told us to close our eyes. I was afraid I might fall asleep. That would be embarrassing. His technique was guided meditation with the help of background instrumental music.

With eyes closed, I struggled to stay awake. Father Ram’s voice echoed. Gentle. Comforting. He brought us to a place we longed for. The most beautiful place we could think of. Any place where we each finds comfort. I told myself, “ah, my paradise.” I began to scroll through my memory the image of my paradise. Because I was so sleepy, I only had fragments of it. The rainbow’s colors were not vibrant. The waterfalls were foggy. The grass on my feet was not so soft. Still, I managed to stay there.

Reunited

I thought that would be the end of it. But I was caught by surprise when Father Ram urged us to welcome Jesus walking slowly towards us. The image of Him walking towards me was disturbing. My tears just fell unwantedly, when we were guided to gaze closely at his blue eyes. His loving gaze penetrated deeply into my whole being; my every bone, my tiniest cell, the darkest corners of my soul. I tried to control those tears because I did not want anybody noticed me crying. But in the silence of the room sobs began to be heard. I felt relieved for that knowledge.

So I continued to focus at the moment, at the blue eyes that gazed lovingly into my sinful soul. I felt so lost in the sea of my emotions. I let go. I could not believe that the night before I longed for Him. And a few hours later, here He was looking into my eyes, loving me, hugging me. It was so good to have Him with me once again.

A light seemed to surround me. At that moment it was only me and Jesus. His embrace melted into my flesh. I felt so light all over. I seemed to float. I wanted to spread my arms and fly. I felt like flying. I was on cloud nine, ten, eleven. Words are too weak to describe the beauty of that moment. It was just so wow!

Reality

Father Ram’s voice brought me back into reality when he told us to offer to Jesus all our pains and troubles. As to this part, I was not so dramatic. For I know, troubles are always there for our growth and learning. The only difference is: when we call on God to carry the burdens with us, life is bearable. If not, it would be a misery.

I felt Jesus telling me that He is just there no matter what. He is always there. I need only to call on Him and listen to the silence in my heart where He speaks. That was all I need.

Re-energized

When we were brought back to reality, I felt very much energized. The feeling of sleepiness was gone. I felt so fresh, so whole, so complete—the feelings I least expected.

It was years gone by when I last had my recollection. And I am so thankful for having this one at the end of the year. Until now the positive vibes I have had still lingers. With this experience fresh in my memory bucket, I know a wonderful year is waiting for me.

May your year started this beautiful too. Have a blessed day!

pwnezel

Float

Specific

Infinite

 

 

 

 

 

November 26, 2016

Why Do Hearts Constantly Break?

why do hearts constantly break

Why do hearts constantly break? I often ask myself. I don’t want broken hearts—mine or that of others. But hearts tend to break easily whether we like it or not, over small things and even crazy, nonsense ones. It is its nature—to break. Why? Because it’s through those cracks that God could easily enter. And it’s through those brokenness that God could prove He is able to make our broken hearts in perfect shape again…

 

October 13, 2016

A Fool for Him

Believing in His promises

In this world of uncertainty, we all strive for security.

My security lies in believing the promises of my invisible Maker. Yeah, I do not see Him; yet I trust. This is how fool I am. I am a fool for Him.

It’s okay. I would not be here, had not it been for Him. I would not have what I have now, if not for Him. I would not know what I know now, if not for Him.

From here, where would I go? To Him, I suppose so.

~Nezel

WP Daily Prompt

October 10, 2016

Be Careful How You Live

Be careful how you live. You'll be the only Bible some will ever read. - William J. Toms pinned by www.affordablecomp.net

Sometimes I sit down to write with mind juggling with ideas. Only to find that the moment I strike the keys, all those words fly away. Today’s prompt is no exception. So, I scroll through anything that may catch my attention. Thus, I found the quote.

The quote above is timely and perfect.

“Be careful how you live you’ll be the only Bible some will ever read.”

This make me re-think and re-evaluate my self and my life. If you are a regular reader of my posts, you may notice I am a struggling soul trying to cope up with life in a positive way. My road is rough and bumpy like any other. This is what pushes me to strive for positivity; that somehow I may plant the seed for others to see, that life is not that ugly after all. That I may find too, at the end of the tunnel, a better version of me. There is just one catch though: I am not perfect and could never be. This is a truth I accept and live by. But this truth could not hinder me to strive for the best of me and of life.

Because I am not perfect, there may be some flow of my thoughts that may not be acceptable for everybody; you may call it loopholes, or naivety, or just plain poor judgment. And it is okay with me. I, too, do not even agree what everybody has to say.

There is just one thing I ask: just because I am not perfect does not mean my God too is. God is ever perfect. May you would not doubt what He could do, just because of what I do. For no matter how much I try, my steps still falter; the reason why God does not want me to leave from His side. Yet, it is through my mistakes that I learn the more. And I thank you most when you are a part of my learning process too.

Each of us has our own path to take, and our own cross to carry. May we not lose heart when one of us is unable to carry our cross, the way it is meant to be. May we help each other and strengthen each other. May you learn from me, and I learn from you. You may read my life; but it is not the whole truth there is to life. Life is far, far more beautiful. Know God and you will know the whole truth.

And through our journey into the unknown, God has this promise:

1 Corinthians 10:13  No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Be blessed!

~Nezel

WP Daily Prompt

October 6, 2016

A Tree Firmly Planted By Streams Of Water

a tree planted by the streams of water

He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
            Which yields its fruit in its season
            And its leaf does not wither;
            And in whatever he does, he prospers.

Psalm 1:3

If those words of the Psalmist are addressed to me, it would go like this:

Nezel will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; And in whatever Nezel does, Nezel prospers.

Wow! Too good to be true. And I so love especially those last five words. Because this is what we, humans, are after in this world of ours. Whatever undertaking we pursue, we all want to prosper in it. For that is what we are. Even weeds grow in little cracks of the ground. How much more humans, who have powerful minds and souls that are connected to the Source directly? What if it will actually happen? That we are bound to prosper? It would,  when we do plant our roots by the stream of water–that is, constantly connecting with the Source of all goodness and prosperity.

How to constantly connect with the streams of Living Water?

  1. Pray. Kneel before Him and tell Him everything what is inside your heart. You could pray anywhere. But nothings beats when you converse with Him completely in your heart, body and soul.
  2. Consider silence. Utter nothing. Think nothing. His power is greatly felt in nothingness.
  3. Go to church, or whatever place of worship you belong. Your faith becomes stronger when you have someone along the journey with you.
  4. Eat temple food. Eat the right food, not the junk ones. Your body is the temple of God, treat it as it is.
  5. Keep in mind your favorite Bible verses. This keeps your mind organize and less cluttered.

These are God’s version of wifi connection. No bills to pay. No need for batteries or electricity to be always turned on. He just asks for a willing heart and mind to be connected. Great! Right?

Now, try to use this verse with your name and experience that wow feeling. Fill in the blanks with your name, close your eyes and see it as actually happening. Then tell me how does it feel.

____________ will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; And in whatever _________ does, ________ prospers.

~Nezel

WP Daily Prompt

 

September 28, 2016

Aim for the Balance

Keep the Balance

On the sixth day God created man and woman. On the seventh day, He rested. Few days after (hmm, maybe) they sinned. I guess, God’s not yet done with them. Thus, they are a work in progress. A work in progress that requires their will to act; and God could only guide.

No matter how perfect our bodies are (two hands, ten fingers, two feet, ten toes, two eyes, two ears, slender body, nose with two holes, perfect lips, big mouth with complete teeth; could see, smell, hear, touch and feel) we have to consider the other seventy-five percent of what contributes to who we really are. The mental, emotional and spiritual.

These aspects of our being are not yet complete when we got out of our mother’s womb crying in happiness for being alive. These aspects are what we must work for from the second we first took our breath to the last second we would give our last. These are the aspects we need to focus on than the twenty-five percent (physical) that is easily seen.

In aiming for our growth, we must be radical. Almost everything around us is dedicated only to our physical well-being. Latest fashion, flawless skin, sexy body, and all the accessories we adorn with our bodies are in vogue. People spent time, effort and tons of money for these things. I am not against these things. It is just that, we must be totally, completely find that balance of the four aspects of who we really are. We were not born bad; for we have the breath of God. We just get lost along the way on doing our mundane activities. The physical is what is easily seen; most often our focus is only here.

There are other extraordinary people who want to find meaning in their life, only to fall prey of other’s wrong notions of the world. They indeed up doing the wrong thing believing it is the only way of finding meaning into their boring life. Thus, chaos, war, conflicts, misunderstanding and the likes abound on earth. Doing more harm on earth cannot give it peace. We could only achieve peace when we find that peacefulness within us.

To find that peace we have to examine our mental, emotional and spiritual life. We have to cleanse our minds from the negativeness instilled in it. We have to dig our emotions and understand each feelings we have; we have to know why we do what we do. From there we could reconstruct our emotional stability. With the spiritual life, we have to understand that it is not enough act to attend a one day worship with fellow faithfuls and give alms to the poor. Hypocrisy is rooted from these acts. We have to swim in the deepest abyss of our souls in order to strengthen our spirituality; for God’s light is buried there and His voice is heard louder in our inner universe.

All of these are not done in one session. Others are even laid to their grave without realizing their true God-given self. This post could not even suffice all that we need to learn, or re-member, or be aware of. This post is just a scratch on the surface. I pray I would be given much enlightenment in order to share some more sparks of the things that really matters in our one and only life.

The start to learning all these things is accepting the fact that we are all unfinished goods: imperfect, innocent, vulnerable. We could only be perfect if we come to realize: our life is not ours for the taking. The bodies we have are just instruments used by the Maker to glorify His name.

May we give time more on our mental, emotional and spiritual life. Have a purposeful day!

~Nezel

 

September 27, 2016

To Quit or Not To Quit?

to quit or not to quit

When you have unfinished business, God will give you the strength to hold on.

One common scenario in a corporate world: the employer calls, looks for a specific employee and when she answers the phone, the employer bombards her with filthy words without caring about the listener’s emotions. Her anger is poured out in the open. Period. She does not care what the other person has to say, nor dig into the issue.

Okay. That was me. Not the employer but the employee. For eleven years, that was a common scenario. I have a choice I know. But third world country culture is far different from the more advanced nations. Finding a new job is a pain in the neck due to few job offerings and massive number of applicants.

After enduring such scenario for eleven years, I came to the point of giving up. I already suffered burn out and had experienced symptoms of stress. I have to walk out, I told myself. However, is it sensible to pack your things up just because you are angry and hurting? Of course not, right? I weighed much the options before me. My wounded self was in a dilemma of choosing between self-preservation and martyrdom. Actually, it just appeared to be martyrdom for the length of years I suffered. I am no martyr. I had good plans for my future. I was already decided to take back my life and live the best life I could have.  It was just that I was not yet ready to fly because my wings had not yet developed fully. The time was still unripe to do so. The situation only called for more patience, more forgiveness and much strength. But let me tell you, at that point I was at my edge. I was at the brink of my sufferings. I felt I would lose my sensibility if I would go on with a situation like that. I seemed to stand before a precipice. If I would not retreat, one more step forward and I would fall.

But then, do you believe in miracles? Or inner voice? Or the wiser self? Or whatever is that which God placed inside our bodies to rescue us when our poor self is dying within? That voice spoke to me as if it were my own. A scene from a television series suddenly flashed before my mind, wherein the heroine was at her lowest and with much grit told herself: this is not going to destroy me; I would not break. Those were the same words the voice told me. My more conscious self repeated it: No one and nothing could ever destroy me nor break me. I felt a surge of strength building up inside of me, with much faith that I would get by quite alright.

The path to being “alright” was long and winding. But if I were to go on with life, I have to traverse it even if I have to eat all my pride along the way. There is an adage that goes, “If you can’t change the situation, change yourself.” I was left with no choice than changing myself, and making it strong like a tree planted by streams of water that sends out its roots to the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

A year has gone by and I get on quite alright. I am still in the same situation, surrounded by the same people and faced with the same problems. However, I was no longer the same person I used to be. I am a lot happier, a lot better and a lot tranquil.

Had I quit that dreadful moment, I don’t know what would become of me now. I can only say, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Had I quit that moment, I would walk away a defeated person bringing along with me lots of pain and anger. For now, I have this inner purpose: to make the witnesses around me wonder why some lights in me still spark despite what I have been through. Sweet revenge, is it not?

So before you finally say I quit, take a deep breath, listen to yourself; for it alone knows what is best for you.

May you have a purposeful day!

~Nezel

In response to WP Daily Prompts: dilemma/unfinished.