Making Most of the Gap from a Nobody to Somebody

The transition phase

Making the most of the gap from a nobody to somebody

So how was I after two weeks in the unemployment barracks? Well, I felt good, a bit apprehensive but more excited for the new path I am taking.

There are three reasons why people walk away: burn-out, unproductive environment and seeking for something that gives more meaning and purpose to life. I have all those three. For those I have left, my reasons would be unsettling. But life must be lived the way it is meant to be.

Letting go

Within the two weeks of soul searching, I discovered I need to let go of some things before I could successfully embark on a new journey. I need to shake off the dust from my feet. As I have shared here, for reasons unclear to me, my employer does not like me that much. No matter how much hard work I contribute to the workplace, still she makes me feel as if I were a liability to the company. The insults I received from her left a deep wound in my being. It is not only me, actually. She hates some of her employees and loves some. Internal politics, yes. But it hurts. And affects self-esteem as well.

Should I stay within the confines of the wound and feelings of worthlessness? Nah! Of course, not. Life is too precious to spend on those emotions. No matter how much we learned that dislike of the person and failing to come up with standards are no way to debase someone, it still happens. Sometimes for reasons that are beyond our control.

Healing part

But then again, healing has to happen. If I just have a magic wand, I would have swayed it in the air and wham! I’m alright. Yet, nature has its own rules of making things happen. I have to go through the process of forgiveness. I need to go through the process of making my inner child remember once again that the way people look at me or think of me has no connection of who I am. I may not be a great person but my Maker sent me here for a reason. Sometimes, it is to do great things according to the capacity He gives each one.

The “why” questions

Things happen for a reason. Why does my former employer hate me? I found out now, it is kind of a domino effect. Experts say over and over again, that the way we look at ourselves has some effect on the way people look at us. Others treat us the way we treat ourselves. I do not hate myself, to be clear. But I admit, I am a nervous duckling.

Way back when I started that job, I was scared to lead. I prayed it would be fine with me to stay in the background as a support and not be the center of the spotlight. True enough, no matter how qualified I was, the other one was chosen as the manager and me as the assistant. Since my degree fits much with the responsibilities at hand, my former employer expected much from me than her chosen head. The blame was always on me every time our team failed to come up with certain expectations. Absurd, isn’t it? This scenario goes on and on until I decided to quit.

Buried ghosts

Not only that, I found out I am still carrying within me the failures and insecurities of the past.

When I was nine years old my mother and her friend had a talk in my presence. Her friend shared how good her kids were. My mother retorted, “good for you, my kids are all good for nothing.” That remark left a big scar in my self-esteem. Though I understand where my mother came from.

Her mother died when she was five years old. She and her two brothers were left with a drunkard father and an “evil” stepmother. Thus, the three of them grew up with lashes and scorn. Notwithstanding the fact that they were literally poor.

She struggled to take care of her own family and loved us the way a mother should. But the ghosts of her past appear from time to time making us experience the bitter taste of it.

Then when I was in the last year of my secondary school, I messed myself up by mental block in a declamation contest. The experience embarrassed me much. How I wished the two hundred plus audience would instantly forget my name. This might be the reason I dreaded to be in the spotlight, and be a center of attention once again.

The correct mindset

With my first-hand experience as the subject of my own case study, proper mindset plays a big role in job success or in whatever undertaking one sets himself to. Because I started with the wrong mindset, I ended up in a wrong working environment. This is the reason why few people excel and most fail. Whether we like it or not, this is how the world is designed. There is a saving grace, though—learning the WAYS of a proper mindset.

Wrong form of prayer

Dr. Joseph Murphy said that prayers could have negative effects if done incorrectly. When we pray we should see to it that we already have in mind the result of what we pray for. This is called nowadays as visualization.

This is where I am guilty of. The fact is, I am a prayerful person. Only that I prayed out of fear. When I pray, what I had in mind was the worst case scenario that could happen—thus I prayed that it would never happen. Sadly, that worst case scenario is already happening in my mind. Consequently, my prayers seldom were answered.

Focus is the key

What do I do now? FOCUS. Focus on what could happen rightly. Focus on my desired results. Focus on my bright future. Focus on becoming the somebody I was designed to be.

The wrongs of the past are not meant to destroy me nor anybody. If we just ask the right questions: why do things happen the way they did or why did I do what I’ve done, then we are onto the path of making the most of our dear life.

Each of us has a unique purpose. If we find and fulfill that very purpose, then we are no longer the nobody who wandered aimlessly into this world. We become the somebody who managed to do it despite everything we have been through. Be that somebody. I’m so glad to be on my way.

pwnezel

Daily Prompt: translate

Faith In The Power of Why


For years I have struggled to follow my dreams. I dream a little each day. Pray a little each day for that dream. Until I was determined enough to pursue that dream head on.

However, things just do not happen as expected. When you believe everything is in your hands, that’s the time when you are tested the most. And suddenly you realize, you are facing the mouth of uncertainty that’s ready to eat you any chance it gets.

That is actually what happened to me. I believe I could benefit from a separation pay that I would receive the moment I resign from my twelve years employment in the finance industry. What took place was the opposite. My kicked out employer denied to me the benefit she gave unto others who resigned ahead of me. This is something I need to settle with the labor agency. To add insult to injury, my laptop broke. Urgh!

With that at hand I begin to feel uncertain as of the moment. Fear is slowly numbing my being. I begin to ask if what I did was right; if I was designed to be here. The what ifs start to surface too. What if I could not find a job in months? What if my husband would no longer receive any projects? So many worst situations loomed before my face. To counter this uncertainty I began to ask for any vacant positions available in our government agencies. My friend gave me the idea too. I told myself it’s just for the meantime. 

But then, how many meantime should I beat before I should reach my final destination? I have already endured a stressful six years staying in the meantime. This time there should never be any meantime. And no second options to turn to. There should never be any second option, or else I would focus my full attention there instead of on my goals.

The best thing that I must do is to focus on my “why.” Why do I brought myself here. Is it just for a selfish reason, or for a nobler one? My first reason is to earn money, yes. I need money to support my children, to send them to school, to live a decent life, and to help others. I live in a third world country where employees earn a meager income despite the degree they possess. And I want to rise above that. I don’t want to stay in shambles just to live.

My second “why” is the very purpose why I am alive. This is answering to what life called me for. This why is what gives meaning and purpose for my life. This is heeding to what my conscience is directing me to do.

As I stand here I realized I am not called to fight life’s battles too soon. I am called to go through a series of trainings like a soldier before a battle. But no, I am not to fight like the soldiers of King Saul. I am called to fight like the Biblical David. I am called to stay in solitude to tend a flock of sheep, to create my own song and drive away foxes and lions that would feed from my sheep. Small and unarmed I may be in the day of battle, still I am able to defeat the biggest giant there is. Because my training would focus on the strength of mind and spirit.

With these realizations, I choose to stay here and not find any “meantime” activities no matter how promising they would seem. For I know, even if I follow the path to another meantime activity, my heart would still yearn to be here with my whole body and soul. My why is so strong it would never leave me even for a second.

So I would stay here. Achieve my goals one step at a time; with the firm belief that He who brought me here would never leave me to wither and die.

Much love,

Nezel

I Learned A Major Life Lesson Today

I Learned A Major Life Lesson Today

Today I learned a major life lesson with the sting of embarrassment. As what I have shared to you in my previous posts, one of my major goals for this year is to focus on following my career path online. In fact, January thirty-first would be my last working day in the corporate world. Yes, I already submitted my resignation letter and it had been officially approved.

I posted such major decision in my life in my FB account. Many friends reacted and asked why. I had been in that employment stint for twelve years. Since the path I choose to follow is yet to be started, I did not give any clear answer to the inquirers as to why did I resign. I only said I want to move on to something better. However, some members of our closely-knit family got worried and thought something unlikely might have happened which prompted me with the resignation.

Last night my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law asked me for the reason behind that decision. Out of a deep discontent that I felt in my workplace, I gave them answers that should not have been shared with them. There might be a spark of truth in what I said but it sounded as if the incompetencies of my co-workers were what prompted me to get out of the place—the usual victim story. And that message was not so healthy. My conscience filtered my answer. It then asked me back why do I focus my answer on the negative instead of focusing it on the positive? If a more positive life is what I am after, then I must start now. I am still in this process, so I just have to forgive myself. I must learn once again that I am also not perfect. And even if people aren’t perfect they also made me smile in their own unique ways at some point.

Chasing dreams is subjective. Sometimes it is awakened by the discomfort that someone feels around him, which is really true for me. But it does not mean someone has to get out because he is surrounded by an inept tribe. It might appear to be like that on the surface. Yet, deep down the person is not just meant to be there any longer because his strengths do not fit really well in that place.

As health psychologist Kelly McGonigal said, it is much helpful to focus on chasing the dreams than on the discomfort of the situation. This way stress is lessened. And she is very right. Lesson learned fully well!

pwnezel

Daily Prompt