Out of Focus, Always in Sight

out of focus, always in sight

Though I find delight in taking photos of every heart-shaped thing that I see, I altogether stopped the activity, except for times when the object is unique and exceedingly adoring.

It is because I found the activity somewhat get in the way of my productivity. Like when I am totally engrossed in an activity but stop in the middle to take a photo of something that caught my eye. I lose my momentum in the process. So, I have to give it up no matter how tempting it seems.

What matters most to me is the realization I have in seeing heart-shaped things. I believed it’s the universe’ way of telling me that I am doing the right thing and I should strive to love more.

I still see heart-shaped objects every single day. It makes me smile and say: I love you. Though the focus is no longer there, yet it’s starting to become a regular part of my life. And it never fails to excite the innocent child in me.

 

pwnezel

Weekly Photo Challenge

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Making Most of the Gap from a Nobody to Somebody

The transition phase

Making the most of the gap from a nobody to somebody

So how was I after two weeks in the unemployment barracks? Well, I felt good, a bit apprehensive but more excited for the new path I am taking.

There are three reasons why people walk away: burn-out, unproductive environment and seeking for something that gives more meaning and purpose to life. I have all those three. For those I have left, my reasons would be unsettling. But life must be lived the way it is meant to be.

Letting go

Within the two weeks of soul searching, I discovered I need to let go of some things before I could successfully embark on a new journey. I need to shake off the dust from my feet. As I have shared here, for reasons unclear to me, my employer does not like me that much. No matter how much hard work I contribute to the workplace, still she makes me feel as if I were a liability to the company. The insults I received from her left a deep wound in my being. It is not only me, actually. She hates some of her employees and loves some. Internal politics, yes. But it hurts. And affects self-esteem as well.

Should I stay within the confines of the wound and feelings of worthlessness? Nah! Of course, not. Life is too precious to spend on those emotions. No matter how much we learned that dislike of the person and failing to come up with standards are no way to debase someone, it still happens. Sometimes for reasons that are beyond our control.

Healing part

But then again, healing has to happen. If I just have a magic wand, I would have swayed it in the air and wham! I’m alright. Yet, nature has its own rules of making things happen. I have to go through the process of forgiveness. I need to go through the process of making my inner child remember once again that the way people look at me or think of me has no connection of who I am. I may not be a great person but my Maker sent me here for a reason. Sometimes, it is to do great things according to the capacity He gives each one.

The “why” questions

Things happen for a reason. Why does my former employer hate me? I found out now, it is kind of a domino effect. Experts say over and over again, that the way we look at ourselves has some effect on the way people look at us. Others treat us the way we treat ourselves. I do not hate myself, to be clear. But I admit, I am a nervous duckling.

Way back when I started that job, I was scared to lead. I prayed it would be fine with me to stay in the background as a support and not be the center of the spotlight. True enough, no matter how qualified I was, the other one was chosen as the manager and me as the assistant. Since my degree fits much with the responsibilities at hand, my former employer expected much from me than her chosen head. The blame was always on me every time our team failed to come up with certain expectations. Absurd, isn’t it? This scenario goes on and on until I decided to quit.

Buried ghosts

Not only that, I found out I am still carrying within me the failures and insecurities of the past.

When I was nine years old my mother and her friend had a talk in my presence. Her friend shared how good her kids were. My mother retorted, “good for you, my kids are all good for nothing.” That remark left a big scar in my self-esteem. Though I understand where my mother came from.

Her mother died when she was five years old. She and her two brothers were left with a drunkard father and an “evil” stepmother. Thus, the three of them grew up with lashes and scorn. Notwithstanding the fact that they were literally poor.

She struggled to take care of her own family and loved us the way a mother should. But the ghosts of her past appear from time to time making us experience the bitter taste of it.

Then when I was in the last year of my secondary school, I messed myself up by mental block in a declamation contest. The experience embarrassed me much. How I wished the two hundred plus audience would instantly forget my name. This might be the reason I dreaded to be in the spotlight, and be a center of attention once again.

The correct mindset

With my first-hand experience as the subject of my own case study, proper mindset plays a big role in job success or in whatever undertaking one sets himself to. Because I started with the wrong mindset, I ended up in a wrong working environment. This is the reason why few people excel and most fail. Whether we like it or not, this is how the world is designed. There is a saving grace, though—learning the WAYS of a proper mindset.

Wrong form of prayer

Dr. Joseph Murphy said that prayers could have negative effects if done incorrectly. When we pray we should see to it that we already have in mind the result of what we pray for. This is called nowadays as visualization.

This is where I am guilty of. The fact is, I am a prayerful person. Only that I prayed out of fear. When I pray, what I had in mind was the worst case scenario that could happen—thus I prayed that it would never happen. Sadly, that worst case scenario is already happening in my mind. Consequently, my prayers seldom were answered.

Focus is the key

What do I do now? FOCUS. Focus on what could happen rightly. Focus on my desired results. Focus on my bright future. Focus on becoming the somebody I was designed to be.

The wrongs of the past are not meant to destroy me nor anybody. If we just ask the right questions: why do things happen the way they did or why did I do what I’ve done, then we are onto the path of making the most of our dear life.

Each of us has a unique purpose. If we find and fulfill that very purpose, then we are no longer the nobody who wandered aimlessly into this world. We become the somebody who managed to do it despite everything we have been through. Be that somebody. I’m so glad to be on my way.

pwnezel

Daily Prompt: translate

Smoke Gets In Her Eyes

Smoke gets in her eyes.

Smoke gets in my eyes,” my friend told me unabashedly as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. If we were grilling, I would have accepted that truth easily. But we were not. We were in the living room and not in the kitchen. It took minutes for my boggled mind to compose. Then I slowly realized the depth of what she was going through emotionally. Her pains just struck her somewhere and cause ‘smoke’ to get in her eyes.

How many times this situation happens to me too. A painful thought just flash before my mind, then ‘smoke gets in my eyes’. I am just thankful this happens seldom in my life now, except when I am in church with my mind, body and soul. ‘Smoke gets in my eyes’ easily.

How often do I used to escape to the comfort room or in my bedroom when I sense ‘smoke is getting in my eyes.’ The ‘smoke’ triggers are negative criticisms, backbiting, scolding, humiliating words and all kinds of negativeness thrown my way. But life is the school of hard knocks. The more you are beaten, the stronger you become. The more you rise, the more you gain wisdom.

I have beaten my ‘smoke’ triggers by expanding my mind, expanding my world and accepting everything to be just as it is. For many great teachers passed this way: Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha. After them the world still remains, full of pain and shame. BUT once a person has the WILL to follow their every teaching, that person becomes FREE. So why focus on the world outside that I have no control over when the world inside could be saved if I just WANT to? And by directing that inner world into the light, the world outside benefits from it in subtle ways. ‘Smoke’ triggers are then beaten slowly.

May you would be able to beat your ‘smoke’ triggers too.

purposivewriter - nezel yurong

Smoke

 

A Bit Clumsy

a bit clumsyI thought I have passed through that clumsiness stage. The faltered steps, the bumps, the wounded knees, bruised foreheads were all experiences of a toddler. As I grew older, these experiences became lesser. Saved when I got pregnant with my two kids. Clumsiness is part of pregnancy, due to the changing center of gravity perhaps.

When we get older, I guess we will go back to being clumsy again. Just like my eighty-year old mother-in-law. She was walking on a flat surface; yet tipped over when she tried to take off the mud that stuck under her slippers, by rubbing it against the surface of the road. That little move caused her to lose her balance. We were just thankful she got only a bruised joint and no serious damage on her foot and leg.

My youngest son is now five years old. But I remained clumsy. Could you believe it? Actually, it is clumsiness in judgment that I am much guilty of. Clumsiness in actions is also a problem of other people, especially on the levels of competence. This made me to ask: Why did God create clumsy humans? Why did He not create, an all-careful human beings?

Of course, I have to answer my own questions in ways I understand. In reality, God did not create super humans. All because there is no point of having super powers when you are not destined to stay in this world forever.

Anyways, learning mindfulness may help in solving our clumsiness problems. For mindfulness helps us to focus more and concentrate more in what we do. WebMD also lays down a detailed study of clumsiness and how physical exercises can help to achieve more balance, stability and strength.

May you’re not that clumsy too.

purposivewriter - nezel yurong

 

 

 

WP Daily Prompt

Show Your Best Despite

Show your best despite

People tend to act mostly out of filling a void deep within them, failing to realize what are they. This void could be out of greed, jealousy, insecurity, deeper need for connection and the like. Whatever they are, they are the prompts that push people how to operate their life on a daily basis.

One time there was this employee sent to our workplace to do the auditing. She acted a little nice and even invited me to have lunch with her on several occasions. She had questions about my personal life which I answered in all honesty. I was not the type who impresses people by empty verbosity. And I once believed people could be trusted when you give your trust to them. ( I learned the hard way that this principle does not apply to everyone.) People are just people with all their weaknesses and strengths. Some come in our lives to help, some come to destroy for selfish interest, thinking by doing so they are filling that void within themselves.

The day came when this person showed her real intentions. We engaged into a kind of argument over a minor issue regarding work, which was not really an issue. Before she pulled out of the branch, we had a meeting. It went well, and we all thought what transpired between us was already patched up. The bomb exploded when she reported to the main office. Everything I told her, she manipulated to be used against me. What was funny was that when the boss called, she did not talk about the problems with our workplace that needed much attention. She tackled the issue between me and that person without asking for my side of the story.

See? Our world suffered because we do not care to listen to the other side of the story. We are so good in selective perception. We only want to see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe. I was not scolded though; but was given reminders of how to treat others as if I were a naughty child who grabbed an ice cream from another child. For a fact: I was already twelve years in the company (meeting clients maybe for the thousandth time and none of whom complained about my attitude, or even had issues with my office mates) while she was barely two; I was forty, she was in early twenties. I am not trying to cleanse myself; for I could never blot out all the imperfections in me. Only God can wipe me clean and make myself whiter than snow. I am just trying to show the qualities in us that needed much attention for improvement.

Even Jesus was crucified out of envy. It were the high priests who plotted that he would be arrested out of their self-interests. Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus out of selfish interest. Do we need to wonder why people keep on betraying us? Do we need to wonder why friends, even families have the nerve to betray us?

This is what we need to delve within ourselves. We do not have the control of everything. We can only control ourselves. Thus, I love this prayer Of Jabez from 1 Chronicles 4:10

Lord, bless me and bless me indeed. Enlarge my territory, let Your hand be with me, and keep me away from evil, that I may not cause pain.

We are into relationships. The best that we can put into the relationship is our best self. When we are at our best, most of the best comes to us. And when people find that there is that certain ‘best’ in us, they would never let us go; except perhaps when they have issues within themselves, that what they see are only their needs and failed to recognize others. They are too busy filling the void within.

Thus, we need to fully realize who we are, that at the end of the day, we are able to smile, look up and say, “Thank you God, I made someone smile today.”

Blessed day!

~Nezel

WP Daily Prompt