Would you want to become a motivator, a life coach, an online guru, a spiritual adviser, or a self-made millionaire?
I ask that question unto myself. For a change, I took a peek at Weekly Discover, and the challenge for the week is Radical Authenticity; that is, being authentic deep within. Stuff like, what you feel, how you feel, what you do with what you feel. It’s that moment when you want to get a mirror and interview that person you see in it. Well, that is exactly what I do, minus the mirror. The question above is what this person has to answer.
If you have seen my Gravatar before, it was filled with words like a content marketer, spiritual writer and virtual professional. Where did I get these ideas? From my mentor. (I hope he won’t read this). There was nothing wrong with what he taught us by the way. It was just that I felt I was not what he was molding me to be. Yes, I learned stuff, most especially the technical ones. I learned mindset. I was awakened from my slumber. My life began to take a new direction.
But then later, I discovered, what I do now is what I had long wished to do but didn’t. My mentor shook my shoulders and said, hey, do what you love to do. You do this. And I said, okay, I will do what I love to do; and I will do what you suggest of me. Many of my classmates did it. I did not. I was stuck in ‘what I love to do.’
So then, I changed my Gravatar description into something that fits me well. I just want to be ME. But, it is kind of misleading when you describe yourself to be, Just Me. Thus, I put in words that might perhaps express a truth about me.
Aiming to be the best version of me might be a hype. As for me, I could say, it is timely and perhaps, a bit of coincidence? I have been through a ‘lot’ for a decade now. Great thinkers and inspirers did motivate me to claim back my life. And I slowly feel the freedom from bondage for being able to look at things without emotional attachments. It feels great to see my value does not depend on other people. It is liberating to be connected with people, yet not a slave to them.
However, my freedom is faced with another challenge: not being enough. True, I have not achieved what others may have achieved–fame, wealth, worry-free life. If I achieved these things, would I be good enough? Am I not good enough? Perhaps, the difference lies in our perspective of life. There are times when I daydream of fame, of wealth, of a worry-free life. But then, a part of me just does not cooperate. I am so poor in visualizing myself in these areas. Having those things might be fun. Yet something is holding me back.
As I have stated above, I have a mentor. But I get tired of listening to ‘do this and do that in order to achieve this and that.’I do not have anything against coaches and mentors. Back in school days, I was many times a teacher’s pet due to my obedience and loyalty.
Now, things have changed. A certain force is holding me back. I could not clearly fathom what is it, yet its voice seems to tell me, ‘Just do this. Trust me. All would be well.’ Well, I keep on doing what I feel I love to be doing. Though a voice at the back of my mind says, ‘Hey let’s do what _____ tells us to do. You want to get rich and have much freedom remember? A dilemma, yes.
But that girl in the mirror says, ‘Why would you worry about things that are not supposedly for you? If something is not given to you, it does not mean you are not worth it, or you have not done enough in order for you to achieve that thing. Just let others shine where they are supposed to be. And you, little one, just bloom where you are planted. What matters is the now. What you do in the now. Do your best in the now. Be your best in the now. You are creating in the now every brushstroke that would paint a whole canvass in the days to come.’
Need I say more? Actually, what the girl in the mirror says is not that clear to me. From her words I could not foresee myself what would I be in the future. But who cares? I offer my future in the loving hands of my God. It is faith that tells me, my God would only want the best for me. So, I let go. What will be, will be.