I started my day with the same routine. Woke up feeling thankful, read the Bible, meditated and said a little prayer. Later I got irritated by my husband who made a slight tweak in his plans resulting in my son’s coming to school late. As usual, the irritations lead me to remember some of my husband’s poor judgment in the past; which is just common to humans. I went to work not in my brightest mood. To lighten things up, I scanned my Facebook feed hoping to read things that would brighten me up.
But then I got hooked up reading what my friend shared in her wall. It was about a mom’s ordeal of losing her baby even before she was born. She wrote her lengthy experience hoping to bring the message to complaining moms to hang on because it’s easier to take the stress of taking care of one’s infant than losing her even before she got a glimpse of this world’s light. This story touched me so much. I had to summon all my courage to hold back my tears while reading it. I didn’t want my office mates see me cry over a Facebook post.
Then I have to go through my work. Only that I could not understand my feelings. My soul seemed to be groaning deep within. I had to drag myself just to go through the day. I felt I was at the end of my rope. Depression started to engulf my being. If the reason for these feelings or emotions was my irritation for my husband, this would be too much. My husband is not perfect and so am I. And whatever differences we have had during the day it would be patched up during the evening. However, this day was different. My heart was so heavy.
As I dissected everything that happened to me before this groaning of my soul, I slowly understand that it was mostly due to that post that I read. I simply empathized with the writer and empathized with her so much. I felt her pain. I felt her depression. I felt her slowly dying inside. The moment I realized this, I began to feel okey because my self no longer own the feelings. I soon knew it was not a part of me. It was just borrowed? I don’t know. One thing I am sure, empathy is sometimes painful and if not recognized, it pierces the soul. Empathy is merely understanding what the other person is feeling. It is relating with that person. But I never knew it could be this heavy at times.
This is one reason why I do not like watching movies with heavy drama and brutal scenes. I have difficulty in moving on. I even do not like watching other people’s painful experiences. Not that I do not care. Their experiences would just leave me a feeling of lingering pain. And I do not like it. I already have much of that in my life. Or perhaps, I was just born empathic. And if I am that, I have to embrace it. The one positive thing I could do, is pray for them. Bearing their pain might be irrational; but if this is one of my purposes in life, so be it.
Have a purposeful day!